dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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