i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
