I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
