when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
