this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
