My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
