Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love having hate sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
