i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
