Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
