You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
