I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
