You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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