dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
