break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
