I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
