He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
