I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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