We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
