Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
