the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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