This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
