we're chasing vodka with high fives
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
