Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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