we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you bring me the toilet please
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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