It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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