remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
