I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
