im six kinds of drunk right now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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