Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
