I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
