I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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