Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
