Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
