I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
