i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
