From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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