saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
