she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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