I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
