What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
