Princesses don't give blow jobs
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
