WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
