I wish I could punch you in the face.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
