My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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