So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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