what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How does one acquire holy water?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
