if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think my vagina is haunted
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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