please come you make the beer taste better
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
