I should be sponsored by Trojan
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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