I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
