I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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