I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
