So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
