I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
