So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So here I am, sexting at work.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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