His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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