Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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