so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
