It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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