I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
