Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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