She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
