If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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